that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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