Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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