i can't believe i had my finger in that
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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