i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize