Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
