from now on my penis is your penis
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
as a side note pls kill me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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