Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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