Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize