If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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