I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
