im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you traded sex for a burrito?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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