I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
