now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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