K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
