Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
third nipple confirmed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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