I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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