I look better un-naked...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize