bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
