Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize