Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
