I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
