I wish you could order shots online.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
