Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We are all done wearing pants today
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