By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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