I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
