I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
