I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
