I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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