Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
