I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
