Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
