Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
