She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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