dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
