she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This is my gift to your gina
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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