so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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