Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
