We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
