Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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