Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
