I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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