end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So many bounce houses so little time
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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