Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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