You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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