We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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