I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
