can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
