and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
