her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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