Apparently you make a good broom.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
