did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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