And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
me + whiskey = a bad person
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
