it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize