Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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