Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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