based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
