a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
