normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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