All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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