is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
