The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
