Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
