i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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