Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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