I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
