how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I smell like Dick and happiness
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