I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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