I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize