I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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