so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
