She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
