I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
