Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You made out with two different species that night
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
