I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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