If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
