so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You ruined the universe
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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