i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
