Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You ruined the universe
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
