I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
