Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize