im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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