So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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