I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
