By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
