I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
