using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
