bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
