woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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