Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
