I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
