so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
