just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
