i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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