so explain again why im purple
no
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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