Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
