im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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