I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
