My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
