Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
another moral hangover. fuck.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
