Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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