she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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