my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
