I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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