you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize