I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
