she woke up with a sticky ear
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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