i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
