Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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