cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
