Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
