i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
