I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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