U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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